Saturday, September 5, 2009

Why aren't more girls in bands?

I was only at Sound & Fury for one day, but I noticed there were only 2 girls out of the 30 bands that played that were in those bands and it got me thinking just now: why aren’t more girls in bands?

I’m 30 and suffered from stage fright all my life. I’m talking crippling, horrific, vomit and diarrhea-inducing stage fright. I had to leave early from work on the day of my very first show because I couldn’t stop crying. I didn’t play guitar or write a song until I was 28, and when I finally did, it was life-changing. I gained confidence, taught myself how to write songs (writing songs = great therapy), got over stage fright, joined a band (Wild Weekend) went on mini tours and had a blast. Wild Weekend has since broken up (sniffle sniffle) but I have a new thing going on (Junglefever) and plan to write music and release 7-inch singles until I’m an old lady because THAT’S how much playing music and being in bands rule.

1) Stop being a chicken and get over yourself. I thought I wasn’t cute enough, skinny enough, cool enough, talented enough, etc, to be in a band. Lame excuse. Don’t let your low self-esteem and other hang-ups get in the way of your dreams and goals. Oh yeah, I thought I was too old. Wrong. The older the better.

2) Not into record collecting? Well, get into sweet cheeks. Not only are records cooler, they tend to be less expensive and cute boys collect records, so if you’re single, you won’t be single for much longer. Ever been to Amoeba? Mama mia, cutie alert on every aisle. Plus rad shit doesn't always get released on CD. Last time I checked, YES LA wasn’t on CD, you big ol' butthead! Buy a record player at Guitar Center. They're like 100 bucks. Then go to your local record shop, buy the first Ramones record. Listen to it on repeat 'til you memorize it. Buy a crapload of pop punk records and try to emulate their sound until you get better.

3) Have a friend show you how to play powerchords. You do not need to waste money on a guitar teacher. Powerchords are good for girls because we have smaller hands and they are easier to play (in my opinion). Start off by learning a slower Ramones song, like, I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend. It’s hard to sing and play guitar at first, but trust me, you’ll get the hang of it. And also, practice in your car!! Seriously, I got better with understanding rhythm as well as learned how to downstroke by practicing in my car. “Strum” the guitar in your car (but be careful not to get in an accident!) while singing along to your music. It works!!

4) Jam with your girlfriends at first. Boys are intimidating because they will most-likely shred better than you can (at first, but you will show them soon enough that you are a downstroking queen in no time, sister!) Or if you’re too shy to practice in front of people, buy a metronome and use that as your drum track beat to play along with.

5) WRITE SONGS AND START A BAND. It doesn’t matter if the first band you join sucks. It probably will. But shitty bands are all the rage right now anyways. Have fun and send me your demos. Who knows, maybe you will be the next band on Sweet Tooth Records. Oh wait. I forgot... I have no money. Pffft...

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